Umans of Uber

It was raining when I picked up this group from a Chick’s Beach bar. Bethany sat up front. She was a cute, petite blonde. Jack and Rena climbed in back and snuggled a bit. I don’t know the other girl’s name. She was quiet the whole time.

They weren’t going far, so Bethany got right to it. She leaned in and spoke in a bright, animated voice.

“Alright. So riddle me this…”

“Okay,” I said.

“My brother has a girlfriend named Sarah. Of eight years. And she’s done some real sketchy sh–. ”

“Uh huh.”

“My family doesn’t love her anymore. And my best friend of eight years and my brother have been secretly in love. Should they get married?”

“That’s your best friend in the back?”

“Yeah.”

“Who’s the guy with his arm around her?”

“That’s my boyfriend.”

“Your boyfriend?”

Everyone laughed.

Rena says, “We’re just best friends right now. Purely platonic.”

“The whole thing seems a little sketchy to me,   I said. More laughter.

Bethany resumes. “So, my brother–we are gonna sound like complete trailer trash. After eight years, she cheated on my brother….with my uncle. My uncle!”

“Wow. And they broke up?”

“No. I mean, they broke up for a few months. But she was his first girlfriend. Eight years. She was the only one he’d ever been with.”

“Which is really sweet, but then she…well…she…”

“She f–ed my uncle!”

“Right. And you don’t just overlook that.”

“I know, right? And my whole family was like, ‘We will never forgive her.'”

“Of course. How did it happen? I mean, how did it get out?”

“Actually, I was the first one to notice it. Last year on St. Patrick’s Day, I noticed that they went out same door at the same time and they were gone for a while. I pick up on these things. So, then they came back at the same time only through different doors. A month went by and I eventually told my brother that I was noticing things. He said another friend had also said something.

“It turns out they’d been dating for months. So my brother and I, we followed her from work and caught her in a hotel room with my uncle.

“It was the most messed up thing to happen ever to our family. It tore us apart, but in a weird way it also brought us closer together.”

“But not your uncle, right?”

“No. Not my uncle. But his wife and kids…”

“Wait. He’s married?”

“Yeah, to my dad’s sister, so he’s not actually my uncle. He’s my aunt’s husband.”

“Got it. And they’re divorced now?”

“No. Not yet. They have kids still at home. It’s such a f–ed up story. They moved in together for a while–my uncle and my brother’s girlfriend. But then she comes crying back to him. ‘I made a mistake. I miss you. Blah-blah-blah.'”

“She made a mistake? By sleeping with his uncle over and over?” I said, incredulous.

“Right? But he takes her back and now they’re living in the same apartment she was sleeping with my uncle in.”

“That’s all pretty unbelievable.”

“So now I’m trying to get my brother to marry my best friend back here. What do you think?”

“Well, she seems way better than his current girlfriend.”

“She is so much better.”

“Hey, Rena,” I said. “If you married her brother you wouldn’t ever have sex with any of his family members would you?”

“No. Trust me. I’m not Sarah the whore.”

“There you go. She is definitely a better option.”

We pulled up to their apartment at this point. I said, “Well, I’m sorry you are in such a messed up family situation.”

Bethany said, “And I’m sorry you had to listen to our messed up story.”

“I don’t mind. It’s what makes driving for Uber interesting.”

Everyone got out except Bethany, who was counting out some cash.

“I only have two days to get them together. My brother has to break up with Sarah and get engaged to Rena before she goes back to Pennsylvania.”

“Good luck with that. I hope it works out and they are both very happy.”

“Thank you so much. This is for listening to my crazy story.” She handed me a wad of dollar bills–about eleven bucks total.